Sometimes I Wish I Had Had an Abortion.

Recent Posts:

Poetry The Whorticulturalist Poetry The Whorticulturalist

Rough, Sugar, and Spellbound

Three gorgeous poems by Emalee Long

Photo by Oleg Magni from Pexels

Photo by Oleg Magni from Pexels

ROUGH

My thighs are made of marble,

And between them the cradle

The singing bowl,

of humanity.

Rosebuds and baby’s breath.

My stomach could be

The arid steppes, and sunshine,

Hungry hands, and desperate lips

Slip upward the side of my breasts,

Like mountains of sugar.

Melting into comfort at their peak,

The door to forever.

Inside me,

You finally reached the balmy jungle of my mouth.

You breathed that I;

Taste like blueberries.


SUGAR

That golden thread is eternal,

As it snaps in two,

Drops of honey.

Across and over your lips

I am a martyr for that mouth.

You are buzzing in my ears

All I can hear is you,

I am deafened.

I would crawl across this page,

To the place where what I want coils

To be crowned queen of your hive.

I want your teeth, bared.

Like I want them to rip, and snap, and tear.

Clean the sugar from my skin,

Honeycomb strings.


SPELLBOUND

I smell the magic on your skin,

Mixed with the musk of your perfume.

Your lips pull into a smile, sly, wet

A secret like rose petals.

Your eyes a circle of salt.

I hear the chant in the sway of your hips,

Calling, culling, the ritual of you.

I imagine you bathing in milk,

Wine pouring down your chin.

Black cat at your window, a whistle into the night.

You oil your breasts and sigh.

We are the witches of the past,

Naked in the woods.

We swim in the moonlight, the flames.

My lips, red as Bishop’s bodice, burn.

Bones, runes, witching cards, your collarbones,

A coven, a coven, you say

The alchemy of womankind.


Emalee Long is a linguistic anthropologist who works in the field of propaganda analysis, her passion is in poetry and her works have been published online at 86 Logic and The Showbear Family Circus, or in print at Milestones 2018. She lives and writes in Little Rock, Arkansas. Find her on Instagram @emaleave.me.alone

Read More
The Whorticulturalist The Whorticulturalist

Femme Fatale

I enjoy being this kind

Of Femme Fatale



To "masturbate" over a poem

And not over a man



On my way

I do not leave

Any traces

Of my virginal womb

Behind



They wonder

If I behave

The way I live

My poetry

Much more

"Maiko"



I show them things that

You'd only show to

Enuchs



They want

To learn Hebrew

And taste

My poetry

First



I decided to impose

Their words upon

My symbols



They're always

Gone

When I do so.



Tali Cohen Shabtai is a poet. She was born in Jerusalem, Israel. She began writing poetry at the age of six, she had been an excellent student of literature. She began her writings by publishing her impressions in the school’s newspaper. Frst of all she published her poetry in a prestigious literary magazine of Israel ‘Moznayim’ when she was fifteen years old.

Tali has written three poetry books: Purple Diluted in a Black’s Thick, (bilingual 2007), Protest (bilingual 2012) and Nine Years Away From You (2018).

Tali’s poems expresses spiritual and physical exile. She is studying her exile and freedom paradox, her cosmopolitan vision is very obvious in her writings. She lived some years in Oslo Norway and in the U.S.A. She is very prominent as a poet with a special lyric, "she doesn’t give herself easily, but subject to her own rules".

Tali studied at the "David Yellin College of Education" for a bachelor's degree. She is a member of the Hebrew Writers Association and the Israeli Writers Association in the state of Israel.

In 2014, Cohen Shabtai also participated in a Norwegian documentary about poets' lives called "The Last Bohemian"- "Den Siste Bohemien",and screened in the cinema in Scandinavia. By 2020, her fourth book of poetry will be published which will also be published in Norway. Her literary works have been translated into many languages as well.

Read More
Poetry The Whorticulturalist Poetry The Whorticulturalist

Beautiful by L.Cannon

A gorgeous and sharp poem…

Beautiful 

Making me look beautiful
Is like
Putting lipstick on a pig: 

Rouging up something
Fat and hairy,
While listening to
Its incessant squealing; 

Brushing out its
Coarse coat
Of bristles
And tying ribbons
Around its thick neck. 

And no runt am I,
Plump and portly:
A prize,
At over 200 lbs. 

I am porcine, not porcelain. 

No one wants to
Bring home this bacon,
Sweet and juicy
Though I am, 

All pink snout and
Raw skin,
Heavy with blood. 

You have audacity,
And I, depravity.
But I have teeth like yours. 

I am mud-slick and
Insatiable in
My cannibalistic troughing. 

Come near me and I will eat you alive. 

Sex me up and 

I’ll tramp you to death
With cloven foot—
I know men too
Fond of pigtails. 

Gilt or sow,
They’ll porker,
But criticize me
When I’m hogging. 

I feel it too—
This unnatural desire
To boil and shave myself
For your consumption; 

To bind myself tightly
In my own intestines,
My own skin,
Encased with entrails. 

Fear you my arms?
These fat, sausage links
Lined with dark hair,
Bigger than your own? 

You’d rather that stock
Was lent to my hams,
A roast pig rump,
Or to sow’s udders. 

Judge the space between my legs;
Is it wide enough, or too closed off? 

Oh, I am a show-pig indeed. 

Calculate the circumference
Of my calves, and the
Angle set off by my high heels
To steady these ham hocks. 

I’d put vaseline on my teeth,
Were it not for the fact my
Tusks would show—
Beware I gore you.
I’ll keep my mouth closed. 

Beautified. 

A vile phrase this is, vile phrase.
Waste not your pearls on me,
Some bi-dyke, mannish woman. 

I have been raised unjust
As a daughter.
I have been g/razed to prepare
For my slaughter. 


This is not a pity poem,
It’s a warning.
For men, and for me:
Eye ham more. 



L. Cannon is a 20 year old, queer poet from Canton, Georgia. She currently studies literature and linguistics, and has a passion for the classics. In addition to writing, Lane also narrates audiobooks and has illustrated a book of children's poetry. Their work has also been published in Vantage Point.

Twitter: @cannonvoice
Instagram: @cannonvoice

Read More
Interviews, Art The Whorticulturalist Interviews, Art The Whorticulturalist

Interview with Artist Lauren Hana Chai

Interview with artist Lauren Hana Chai about creativity, life, sexuality, and more.

If I could put these emotions into words I would be able to tell you better about what they would be, but I can’t, therefore I paint. 
IMG_20200406_163711_703.jpg

First of all, thank you so much for your time and for agreeing to do this interview! We really really love your work, the strength of it and the sexuality, but more than that, there’s an incredibly emotional sensitivity that really resonates in each piece. Can you tell us about what your intentions are for your work, and what would you like your viewers to take away from it?

Emotionality is always at the core of my work, whether it is titillating, awe-inspiring, disgust, or more often than not, a conflicting emotional soup of it all. As long as the viewer feels strongly one way or another about my work, I feel like I’ve done my job. 


You talk a lot about spirituality and your spiritual experiences. How have they changed your life/outlook and how do they influence the mythological aspects of your work?

As much as I like to talk about spirituality, I don’t necessarily like calling myself a spiritual person as some people’s image of me could be that of an incense burning, green eating, yoga hippie who greets everyone with namaste. Nothing against yoga hippies! But that’s just not me. Spirituality is in my life because I am not put together at all. I am by nature, a ball of chaos. I didn’t take a lot of personal responsibility when I was younger and as I’m approaching 30, it’s about time that I tried to figure that shit out. Being humble, grateful, having respect for living and non-living beings, surrendering myself to faith and love, letting go of attachments, moving forward from my past, bringing in the light to my shadow side. It’s easier to call these ‘spiritual’ practices versus one practice such as christianity, hinduism or shamanism, but really I think bringing structure into one’s life is universal and goes beyond subscribing to a dogma. 

The symbols I paint frequently, such as the Korean peach and sacred fungus, are tied to symbols of longevity in Korean classical folk paintings. Back then, these paintings were limited to high-class wealthy merchants to enjoy. I paint these symbols today for everyone to enjoy, and I truly feel that I am giving my blessings to the person I am painting as I usually paint people who are close to me. More than just an image, it is an energy. 


Do you see any connections between some of your more personal pieces about your own life journey and the larger statements your work has made about sexuality and politics?

Absolutely, it is all connected. Having been raised by my traditional Korean grandparents in the United States, (a polar-opposite culture), I spent a lot of time questioning my identity, heritage, and history, and painting has been my therapy throughout it all. Sexuality was shamed growing up and so as I was exploring it in my personal life, as an art student it exploded in my work as well. I wasn’t ashamed anymore, I was free. Especially because I was living in San Francisco at that time, which is kink central, I felt at home with my fellow freaks. Later my work developed from painting things such as a close-up of my friend’s spread wet pussy to more layered concepts which still involved sexuality one way or another. For example ‘American Pie’ is a depiction of the racial makeup of the U.S. which involves everyone either fucking or fighting. Each person in this painting is rendered out to show their individuality. This piece accompanies another painting ‘Korean Pie’ (unfinished) which in contrast highlights South Korea’s unity and nationalism. As a Korean American, I live in this grey area and see the pros and cons of my different cultures and beliefs. 

IMG_20200413_073759_351.jpg


What do you see as the largest struggles of your work as an artist?

Keeping a lid on my ADD and wanting to constantly transition in my artwork. Speaking completely in terms of the art business world, constantly changing your work is not good. I used to have a lot of struggles with some galleries as a student and right after graduating. Now I’ve learned to keep that lid loose and I have found a way to work in a series of works, spread concepts out and transition slowly. 

What do you believe is the role of an artist in society, especially one who works in the margins and is a member of the LGBTQ community?

Painting your personal truth, no matter what it is. I honestly don’t really think about what my role is as an LGBTQ artist in this society but rather just focus on developing and constantly bettering myself as a person and an artist. It’s only when I hear from other people, usually Asian American women or LGBTQ people who take the time to tell me how much they relate to me through my work, that I think “Oh hey, I did something here”. For someone to never have met me, look at my painting and tell me that they get it, that that’s their life too, it’s really an amazing feeling. 

IMG_20200413_073759_353.jpg
My innocent intentions became a catalyst for people to project their own perceptions of sexuality.

How has your art influenced your perception of sex, and vice versa?

As I mentioned earlier, a sexual explosion happened in my life and thus in my art and during that time I painted these subjects purely out of freedom of expression, embracing myself and not caring what anyone thought. After a while I questioned a lot of what kind of message I am putting out there painting such explicit paintings as a woman. Many people thought that my paintings were done by a man and were always surprised to see that I was a woman. I’ve butted heads with some of the more conservative feminists who claimed I was objectifying women. My innocent intentions became a catalyst for people to project their own perceptions of sexuality. For a while I was in fuck it mode but then I even doubted myself thinking that people will only like my art because the paintings are sexual and I was known as that erotic painter. I switched gears and was simultaneously exploring my identity a lot at that time as I was finally dealing with abandonment issues from my mom going missing when I was 11. I painted my Last Known Locations series which were 6 paintings of 6 cities of my mom’s actual last known locations..and I think it should go without saying that they weren’t sexy at ALL. After this dark turn, light entered my life and I started painting about my Korean culture and history in bright explosive colors. However, I found that I couldn’t get away from the eroticsm. Sexuality creeped back into these paintings as well but now in the form of painting about the Korean comfort women who were sexual slaves getting raped, or even painting about my own sexual abuse. Or in more subtle ways with a sexy exposed muscular back of a strong Japanese woman with the words “Otoko Masari” (basically meaning tomboy in Japanese) written above her. Or my paintings now of sexually suggestive poses of women eating these sacred fungus. There are many sides to my sexuality. I’ve embraced eroticism in a different way now and I don’t regret anything.


You talk a lot about how your work is about emotion… what emotions do you think your art conveys, both to you and to viewers?

It’s a spectrum of emotions, really. Some paintings convey empowerment, some defeat. Sometimes excitement or anxiety. Usually there’s some kind of struggle going in such as in my recent series “The Little Death” where there is a play between sex and death, the desire to live forever but also the inevitable return of our bodies to nature. If I could put these emotions into words I would be able to tell you better about what they would be, but I can’t, therefore I paint. 

Otoko Masari _ Lauren Hana Chai .jpg

You’ve mentioned your experiences with DMT as well. How much have those experiences informed your art, and how?

My trip reminded me that love can solve everything. It’s a grandiose statement and ultimately not true, but also kind of true. Love is not just a significant other, it's a belief in morals, ethics, respect for your fellow human. It’s building a life and striving towards living a life of love that helps move this world forward. Love creates. I wanted to portray that message onto canvas and so I started a triptych called Souls In Motion which is not the exact depiction of what I saw and experienced, but more of a positive message inspired by my trip. In short, it is a Korean mythological folk version of Hieronymus Bosch’s “Garden of Earthly Delights” which rather than painting about hell, depicts how we can heal from fear.




What are the biggest sacrifices that you’ve made for your art?

Without a doubt money and financial stability. I’m not so much of a starving artist now but I’m definitely still broke. I can’t go on fancy trips or buy a lot of new clothing but I’m very good at window shopping! It’s money in, money out. Any art sales go straight back into buying supplies or paying bills etc. I’ve had to adapt to a minimal lifestyle and it might sound bad but I honestly enjoy it, less things equals less clutter and less stress in my life. Whatever it takes to be able to paint what I want everyday and I’m a happy woman.

Remember that you are not separate from your art, art is an extension of you.

What is something you’d like other women who enjoy/do art to know?

If you’re pursuing art as a career, the smart thing to do is get a part time job. Have some stable income coming in to supplement your art. Remember that you are not separate from your art, art is an extension of you. Also writing things down helps, keep a notebook to organize your reflections and thoughts on your art. Ultimately do what makes you happy!

PS. Please feel free to talk about anything you’d like to, along with this, or if you want to drop anything about future projects!

I have a mini solo show coming up in LA at Thinkspace Gallery on June 27th called “The Little Death”. Other than that you can stay up to date on all my art on Instagram as I post there pretty frequently. 

Follow Lauren Hana Chai on Instagram here, and find her incredible work for purchase at her website here.

Read More

Reap what you hoe.

Sign up with your email address to receive our latest blog posts, news, or opportunities.