The Orgasm Archive: an Interview with Artist Christine Sloan Stoddard

Christine Sloan Stoddard is a Salvadoran-American author, artist, filmmaker, theatre-maker, and the founder of Quail Bell Press & Productions. This includes the namesake publication Quail Bell Magazine. Her newest books are Heaven is a Photograph (a poetry and photography collection) and Naomi & The Reckoning (a novelette). Her newest film, "Bottled," is available on Amazon Prime. Her newest play, "Mi Abuela, Queen of Nightmares," is forthcoming in a book by Table Work Press.

First of all, thank you for allowing us to publish your work and letting us interview you! We loved your piece “The Orgasm Archive” but felt like we needed to hear more about your process and reasoning for creating it before we published it. How did you first come up with the idea to do an art project about orgasms, and in particular, about the disparities between female and male pleasure?

A grad school project prompt in my interdisciplinary art program inspired me to consider creative ways of representing power imbalances in heteronormative relationships. I focused on pleasure because I was thinking about how art is often thought of as a source of pleasure or decadence, something that isn’t necessary to survival, but on some level, it is. Art is necessary in life just as much as pleasure, including physical pleasure, is necessary in life. I also focused on pleasure because I wanted to portray something that’s common knowledge about heteronormative power imbalances, even if not everyone agrees it is a bad thing. As a personal challenge for myself, I wanted to find creative ways to illustrate this common knowledge. Just because something is commonly known doesn’t mean it can’t be represented in a new way. In some ways, it’s tougher to do that than illustrate novel knowledge.

“Just because something is commonly known doesn’t mean it can’t be represented in a new way.”

“The Orgasm Archive” includes photography, illustrations, GIFs, typographical experiments, sculptures, and installations. It’s quite a vast project in large part because the class project demanded we pursue something generative. Over the course of nearly two months, we were required to produce a new aspect of the project every week and present it for critique. My process in general involves producing numerous things and then weeding out what I don’t want, or at least don’t want for this edit of a project. There were definitely pieces that didn’t make the final cut for my class project but that I still consider a part of that process and intend to showcase elsewhere.

A faked orgasm is an insanely visual and audio performance that represents something that is not quite true, but a production that is meant to entertain, excite, and deceive. How do you think that plays into your visual representations of orgasm?

I wanted to allude to orgasms without creating literal depictions of intercourse or oral sex because an orgasm isn’t just physical. It’s also psychological and can even be deeply emotional. As you mentioned, if it’s faked, it’s definitely performative. And even if it’s not faked, there’s still an awareness of performance and often pride or shame attached to it: “Am I being too loud?” “Is my orgasm face weird?” “I bet I look really hot.” One of the reasons why I love making art is that you rely so heavily on your imagination, but you’re still tasked with tapping into something real. I enjoy making work that feels completely magical or unreal, but I also enjoy making work that captures reality to the point of magnifying it, almost to the point of hyper-observation and obsession. I leaned into both of these impulses, depending upon what quote I was working with.

Obviously a lot of what we understand about female pleasure is the result of less-than-accurate information, or lack thereof, about female orgasm. Did you learn anything you didn’t know before when you were doing your research for this piece?

I didn’t learn anything I didn’t already know about female orgasm. Instead, I was reminded that there can be a lot of thinking, research, writing, and publishing related to a problem without real change being effected. Women still aren’t getting off as much as they want to get off.

How did you find and choose the quotes that you used in The Orgasm Archives?

Because it stemmed from a class project, I relied on my campus libraries. I went to the main library and the science library at The City College of New York and gleaned as much as I could in the time that I had. Admittedly, it wasn’t any more systematic than that. I supplemented with online research at home, but I was really invested in what had been published in physical books, including much older ones. This was in part because I figured I might as well make good use of campus resources while I had them, but also because I was thinking about the physicality of some of the artwork I was creating. Scanning and/or photographing books definitely factored into my process and I did use actual books for one of my installations. I was one of those jerks who literally checked out 40 or 50 books at a time because being a grad student afforded me that privilege. And, yes, those books did end up in one of the campus art galleries.

What do you hope people will get out of The Orgasm Archives? What do you want them to take away about themselves and about their relationship to pleasure?

In reality, I think most people will only see bits and pieces from “The Orgasm Archives”—a photo here, a GIF there. They won’t experience the whole archive at once, but I like keeping the project name attached to individual pieces to cue the audience to the fact that those pieces are part of something larger. Depending upon the piece they see, I hope they will respond to the humor or enchantment and feel camaraderie with other women or compassion for women. If they are someone who doesn’t believe all people should experience pleasure in consenting sexual encounters/relationships, then I want to change their mind. Or at least encourage them to question why they think that way!

How does sexuality and pleasure influence your other work? Your other mediums?

It’s really case by case, but I’m definitely interested in those topics and often explore them in my projects. My first published novelette, Naomi & The Reckoning (Finishing Line Press), deals with sexuality and pleasure more directly than most other recently released pieces. This novelette follows Naomi, a young woman with a physical deformity living in Richmond, VA. Struggling with body acceptance all her life, Naomi also comes from a strict religious upbringing. Purity culture further complicated her relationship with her body and, now recently married, she can’t find sexual satisfaction. You can order the book directly from the publisher here. An audiobook and film for Naomi & The Reckoning are currently in production, with actress Donna Morales serving as the narrator for both.

Talk to us about eroticism in the art world, as well as what it’s like to be a woman in art, doing work about sexuality and sensuality. 

Though I’ve experienced cyberbullying and sexual harassment, I haven’t quite been accused of being a “nymphomaniac” yet and even if I were, I wouldn’t care. I’ve grown immune to comments, DMs, unsolicited emails, etc. Isn’t that sad? Yet that’s my coping mechanism and survival strategy. I receive a lot of unwanted attention from men and occasionally women—strangers and acquaintances alike—but I think that’s just by virtue of being a public female figure or even simply a woman, because it happens regardless of whether recent projects have focused on sexuality and sensuality. Even during my more dormant periods, these people seem to feel entitled to my time and attention, or at least they want my time and attention. But I know my boundaries and I set them. I’m not obligated to give anyone anything. I really only make myself accessible to the public as someone whose work they can view, read, purchase, or study. I’m not your girlfriend or fuck buddy because you saw one of my creations in a magazine and now think I must be hot to trot. There’s a clear division between my work and myself as a person. I cannot be bought. I am not a commodity. If you’ve bought a book or painting from me, great, thank you, I appreciate your patronage, but that doesn’t mean you get me. Unfortunately, enforcing boundaries is often necessary for a female artist’s safety and sanity. I keep most of my private life incredibly private.

To find more of Christine’s work, follow her socials and other projects below:

I am always creating and it can be hard to keep up, but I don’t expect anyone to do that. I can barely do that! I only hope that when they do stumble upon my work, some aspect of it intrigues them and they seek more.

Current Projects:

Heaven is a Photograph

Hello, New York—The Living And Dead

Two Plays: True Believer and Mi Abuela, Queen of Nightmares

Bottled

Virtual Caress

Nessie

Mural commissions

Websites:

You can find out about my other books, as well as my film and video work, like my recent release Moonskating, and my visual artwork, like my murals, at www.worldofchristinestoddard.com. I am available for hire as a writer, visual storyteller, and cultural producer (www.wordsmithchristine.com) and take commissions as a fine artist (www.christinestoddard.com). 

I also run Quail Bell Magazine at www.quailbellmagazine.com and Quail Bell Press & Productions at www.quailbell.com.

Socials:

My Facebook fan page is facebook.com/artistchristinestoddard. I’m on Instagram at @christine_sloan_stoddard and Twitter @csloanstoddard.

Article and interview written, edited and conducted by the whorticulturalist.

Starting a Business: The Story Behind Carbon Masks

Living in a pandemic is a great challenge. Navigating a new world of regular quarantines and social distance has been hard for everyone. One industry that has certainly grown amid this economic decline is the mask industry. Masks are becoming a huge part of our lives, wearing them is something that will be carrying over into 2021 and beyond so feeling safe and comfortable in them has to be a top priority. People all over the world have begun to sew masks and help the community around them. One such company that has started up in the middle of this pandemic, is Carbon Masks. 

Carbon Masks began as the brainchild of Sandra, her sister, and their friend. Sandra was home, stuck in quarantine, and just talking with her sister and their friend. What they wanted to do was make something relevant to the times we all found ourselves living in.

Sandra Leow, via Carbon Masks 

Sandra had just been sent back to her home country of Malaysia as our school in the Netherlands struggled to handle the beginning of the pandemic. Her sister and their friend were similarly stuck in between the lives they used to live and the ones they found themselves living. As Sandra put it, they wanted to: 

“Incorporate elements of functionality and aesthetics”

This was their ultimate goal going into this. Though Sandra admits she didn’t know much about what this would practically entail. It was a new experience, running a business and starting one from the ground up. But, there is no time like the present so she and her team got to work. We talked a lot about those early days and what it was like trying to find a supplier and researching materials.

They decided to start small and keep it local. They found their initial supplier and began working on a prototype. This first sample, as Sandra will tell you herself, was horrible. It was unusable and just not what they were looking for. They had no choice but to pivot, which led them to their new supplier. 

This was the first of a few setbacks the brand faced over its 4-month existence. Their launch was kind of messy, their supplier was unable to deliver on time, their customers were frustrated. To put it honestly; “It was a shit show”

It was hard to manage, finding a balance between projecting confidence to their customers, and admitting their faults. These delays put a lot of strain on Sandra who was managing customer relations, and it marred the image of the company for a while. But this was just another setback, and the team was ready and eager to push past this. 

“It wasn’t sustainable at all, but we got through it and now it is finally more stabilized” 

Something, she highlighted as being incredibly important to resolving these issues was honesty and personability. She retold stories of sitting behind her computer for hours responding to the 50 to 100 emails they were receiving daily and even more Instagram DMs. On that note, she advised that small business owners need to be careful and considerate about the needs of their customers. 

After sorting out all of these issues, their customer base and they could focus on the product. As Sandra said, she and the team wanted to make something functional and aesthetic, so a big question on my mind was; how do they actually function?

We got into the science behind all of it in our conversation. This being her first business venture and obviously, her first time making masks it took a lot of research at first. Eventually, they found a system and style that was reusable, stylish, and effective in protecting against the virus. About the science of the masks themselves, this is what Sandra had to say:

“Before standing the brand I knew nothing about fabrics or the specifications of designing a mask, or anything like that. Carbon Masks are 3-ply, providing three layers of protection to reduce the spread of aerosol transmissions.

The outer layer is made of a moisture-wicking cotton knit material. The water repellent nature of the outer layer blocks respiratory droplets and aerosols from coming into contact with the wearer's face. This is important as many respiratory viruses, such as COVID-19, spread through large droplets from coughs and sneezes.

The middle filter layer is made of a reusable meltblown nonwoven filter material, similar to a surgical face mask.

The inner layer is made out of a soft, breathable cotton-microfiber material—absorbing and containing oral droplets. In addition, the interaction between the inner layer and outer layer material produces an electrostatic charge that increases the mask's aerosol filtration efficiency.”

Carbon Classics, via Carbon Masks

All of this is a part of their current line of Carbon Classics. The product itself is resonating with their customer base, so much so that they have recently expanded into Thailand and Hong Kong. 

Right now they are keeping their team small, with the core team only having three members; it has been quite a journey in the past four months. I was curious to know about the challenges Sandra may have faced going into business as a young Southeast Asian woman. Funnily enough, because there has been very little indication given about who is actually behind the masks she has been free of such direct criticism. That may change as they plan to become more visible owners in the future (fingers crossed this doesn’t happen). 

I asked Sandra more about what she sees for the future of the company and herself both post-pandemic and in the more immediate future. “We’re thinking of [expanding to] Singapore and the US as well actually”. They have found that people are ordering from the US (though the shipping is prohibitively expensive). They are eager to make their way into new markets soon. 

“Essentially we would want to focus on a certain product. I think what’s really important for a business is to know your focus. You can create all the products in the world but if they do not perform well individually, it is not a sustainable way of running a business. We do not want it to only be present during this pandemic but also beyond the year 2020[...]Ultimately, It's about how you want to create a product that will last throughout the shift in time.” 

Right now, they are in the process of releasing their new collection of masks. Beyond that, it’s really about utilizing their resources. They are focused on moving forward, creating more collections, expanding color ranges, and features. “It’s also about how you can be the best in the market.” That is something that remains consistently on their minds, and it informs their research and development efforts. 

I got Sandra to tell me a little bit about the new collection which is coming out next week. 

“Our new collection is called Carbon Air. Basically, although our masks are breathable, we are driven to improve our product offerings. The main goal is to differentiate our Carbon Classics and this new collection, Carbon Air. We wanted to incorporate new features to diversify and most importantly, improve our product.   Some of the new features include a new material, thinner earloops with adjustable straps, and a thinner inner mesh layer.   Although we understand the difficulty in creating a one-size-fits-all mask, our main goal is to try to accommodate different face shapes and sizes..” 

All of this is in an effort to “acknowledge the limitations of our current mask collection and to diversify and better accommodate the interests of our customers.”. 

Carbon Masks as a brand makes me really excited. This pandemic has been devastating for so many people so it is exciting and reassuring to see people bringing such innovation to different markets. It is especially inspiring to see young BIPOC women doing it. I am excited about the future of this brand but also the future of business as more and more women like Sandra start to take up space in it. 

If you want to buy a mask from the company or just stay up to date on where they are expanding to check out their website and Instagram. 

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Hayley is an emerging writer and journalist who works hard to create work that is fiercely feminist, anti racist and anti oppression on a whole. You can check out more of her work and content on her instagram @hayley.headley

Raffela Mancuso on the Body Revolution & Passing the Mic

“When it comes to intersectionality, it is also important to remember that body positivity is for marginalized groups. ”

Thank you so much for taking the time to sit down and talk. First, let’s talk about you! 

I am a 24-year-old Psychology student in Alberta. I am a mental health advocate, although I’ve also been called a social media disruptor, and I used to consider myself a body positivity advocate but I don’t associate with that title anymore. I was only diagnosed five years ago [in regards to mental health] even though I have lived with it my entire life, and I decided to start using social media for advocacy two years ago after being turned away from mental health services on campus. I started speaking about mental health on social media, which turned into body image, because everything is so connected.

What are you proud of in your contributions to this movement so far, and how did you decide to make them? 

I would say sharing my own lived experience because talking about mental health is so heavily stigmatized. I am not the only one thinking these things but everyone is so afraid to speak up because of the backlash we will receive. It keeps me going when people message me and tell me they’ve felt the same way or experienced the same things, but never had the courage to say them until now. I don’t want to center myself within the body positivity movement because of the privileges that I do experience. 

I wanted my contribution to be about changing the way we think. Being part of a community feels good and everyone wants the sense of belonging, so I completely understand why people may get upset when I talk about redirecting body positivity back to its original origins…but what people are missing is that you can still love yourself while simultaneously acknowledging this term [body positivity] that we have stolen. We don’t need to steal another thing – we can use another term! A lot of people feel hurt that they can’t ‘join the club’…but you can still go through your own acceptance process and acknowledge what other people are experiencing. Your own self-acceptance journey should not erase more marginalized people in the process. 

Let’s talk more about the body positivity movement and why it is important to acknowledge its origins.

Many people think that being a body positivity advocate is synonymous with self-love or with plus size people in general. It’s important to realize that the body positivity movement was created for more marginalized bodies – especially fat people of color, Black women, queer people, trans people, and people with disabilities. Today the movement is all about self-love and being positive about your body, but originally it was intentioned for equal rights and marginalization. It’s critical to de-center the self when it comes to the body positivity movement and picking another term to incorporate your personal self-love and body acceptance journey. It definitely doesn’t mean you can’t be a part of the movement either – it’s not an ‘or’ situation, it’s an ‘and’ situation! You may face certain challenges and still benefit from other privileges in society that other people do not receive due to their bodies. 

You recently sparked a viral conversation on Instagram by identifying influencers and ‘body positivity’ leaders who are white and thin (or thin-passing) for taking up a lot of space in the body positivity movement. In your words, it was a call in, not a call out, and created powerful conversation with some of the subjects of the call-ins, such as Sarah Nicole Landry (@thebirdspapaya). However, not all high-profile individuals responded. What do we do when this happens? How do we continue supporting these women when it feels like they are ignoring this topic?

I feel like a lot of people feel powerless in this. Something we do not realize is how much power we have in who we follow. By following someone, you are amplifying their voice even more. My biggest thing is if you’re looking at an account and it doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, your morals, your values…unfollow. If you follow someone and you really like their content but maybe they haven’t spoken out on important issues…don’t be complicit. You’re still giving that person power. Vote with your support. These are people’s lifestyles…you’re just encouraging their behavior in that way.

Jameela Jamil is one of the specific high-profile individuals who has yet to respond. What conversation would you like to see from her? 

Honestly, I just wanted to work with her! I wanted a conversation with her to help amplify my own voice because I felt like I wasn’t being heard. We’re in a small corner of the Internet and she has the reach. Let’s get this out into society and make this a conversation that everyone is having. She has said herself that she doesn’t belong to body positivity and body liberation. Maybe we can still get her…

Passing the mic to amplify the voices of women who are not being heard as strongly, especially Black women and women who experience higher levels of discrimination, is an important initiative in this movement. How can people accomplish this?

There is a difference when it comes to people that have a massive platform, but people who don’t still play a huge role. When people are asking me what they can do, and how to pass the mic, asking the question alone is a great start. I comprised a list of people I admired and shared that as a start. Find these accounts and look through to see who you connect with. Don’t just blindly follow. Then share their content and make them visible. Your ideas can be great but someone else may be seeing them and they may have the actual lived experience. 

People who are successful from having ‘digestible’ and ‘palatable’ content –and people who fit into those categories – need to speak up for the people who won’t be listened to. Give THEM the platform, have them do a story takeover, share their posts directly…de-center yourself, and make it about them. A lot of people are concerned about aesthetic because they think that’s what Instagram is all about – everyone is trying to follow the same path – and while it’s been awesome to see people sharing content, it’s important to know that it’s on the backs of Black people, especially Black women. 

There is a constant spew of hate from online trolls and uneducated people who are OK with continuing a hurtful and harmful narrative. How do you manage this? How do we respond to this while simultaneously not becoming overwhelmed by all of the disgusting negativity? 

I’ve cried. There were some massive fitness accounts who posted about me and their followers came for me…at first, I tried to rationalize and have conversations, knowing these are humans, but now I have less patience if people come in with their claws out and I just block and delete.

It really depends on my mental capacity. I had someone who was really upset about my post who struggled with ED. I sent them a voice memo and acknowledged their experience and explained my point further…and that person listened. They came at me with so much hurt, and upon hearing that I recognized them, we started talking and realized that we had the same values…it created something really beautiful.

When it comes to this kind of content, it’s important to ask, “What is your mental capacity at?” If I’m drained, it is so harmful. It really needs to be a matter of what you’re capable of engaging with.

Some people may have a hard time balancing advocacy for the body positivity movement while simultaneously wanting to change their bodies, such as wanting to lose weight or undergoing cosmetic procedures. How should they approach this dichotomy?

That’s in the gray area. I’ve had people say that they would never judge someone in a bigger body but yet recognize their own fatphobia. I still have a lot of days where I feel negativity towards my body but then other days where I don’t. We can start by acknowledging that we’re not perfect and continue learning – especially the more we listen to other’s experiences. This is not a me problem, it’s a societal problem. I’m not alone. If someone is in the self-love realm but still has issues with themselves, start with, “Who profits off of these thoughts and feelings?” If you want weight loss, who profits? Diet culture companies, gyms…there is so much profit off of physical insecurities. 

What do you think is the most important thing for individuals to understand when it comes to intersectionality and its importance within body positivity?

I think people need to learn to sit in their discomfort a little bit. They’re being challenged. Things can be in the gray. You can love your body, you can struggle with your body, and at the same time another person can be harmed because of their own. Someone with thin privilege might experience body shaming and yet they can always fit in an airplane seat comfortably. Your struggles are valid but acknowledge the differences when it comes to actual systemic oppression. There are layers to discrimination and oppression. Thin, white women – ask yourself, who is not being listened to? Remind yourself that your experience is not the only one out there. This is not about shutting down or shutting people up – it’s about bringing more people to be the table. The body positivity movement is currently so filled with white people, and unless they step aside, it won’t benefit those who really need change. 

I had a highlight [on Instagram] called health journey, I thought I was trying to be ‘healthy’. People messaged me and brought it to my attention how harmful this could be, and I deleted it so it didn’t trigger someone else. I sat with the embarrassment and that period in my life and then reflected and committed to learning and moving on and doing better. Having the intention to change is so important. It’s the intention that begins change. 

When it comes to intersectionality, it is also important to remember that body positivity is for marginalized groups. For everyone else, there’s so many other terms to use – body confidence, body acceptance, body neutrality…there’s options!

What are the main problematic assumptions surrounding fatphobia that people can actively start to address? 

I think most importantly, body size does not determine health, and health does not determine worth. A thinner body does not mean better. You are just treated better by society, but it does not mean worth.  Identify where these messages of worth tied to our bodies are coming from, and who profits off of them. Body image is engrained. People need to sit in their discomfort and that will not kill them. 

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Anna Luo is an American traveler/writer currently teaching English in Europe. Her writing portfolio can be found here. She am fairly new to freelance writing and am most passionate about writing on feminism, reproductive health care access, vulnerable feelings, and environmental responsibility. Her Instagram can be found here.

Body Positivity, Activism and Race in the Middle of a Pandemic; a Conversation with @amapoundcake

Danni, better known by her instagram handle @amapoundcake, is a force for social change in a world that seeks to undermine and snuff out any shred of confidence and activism that comes from fat black women. In this moment, she and other women like her are coming to the forefront of a movement they began. 

When I first sat down to talk with Danni, I wanted to know how she got started in the body positive activist space. Unlike many fat kids, Danni was never shamed for her body - in fact she was encouraged to love it. She saw fat black people all around her; remarking:

“  ... most of my family was either skinny and got fat or were fat when I met them.”

Growing up in a household that didn’t partake in the same causal body shaming that many of our own did, empowered by the words of Mo’nique, Danni began her first social movement - ‘Eat or Die’. She and some other big girls from her middle school took it upon themselves to walk around in matching t-shirts and talk about what it means to be fat.

All this positivity in her upbringing didn’t shelter her from the ‘real’ world, the one that wished her white and skinny. She was barred from many activities because she couldn’t fit the mold others made for her. But she stood out all the same, when the dance team rejected her she found herself on the step team. For her, a lot of life was about carving out a space for herself with people who could truly appreciate her. In highschool that meant joining the step team, nowadays it looks like building a network of support around herself.

In her undergrad experience she was heavily involved in black activism. She posted about being fat on many platforms, but it wasn’t at the centre of her work. This was around the time she began to notice that fat black women just weren’t a part of the narrative of black and intersectional feminism. 

Today, the world is radically different from the one we were all born into. Activism has changed, branding has changed, politics have changed - but this new wave of social justice has left behind thousands of women who look just like Danni. We see more and more black women occupying spaces they never had access to before, but the posterwomen for anti blackness still sit on the outskirts. 

This is something Danni understood at a young age, saying: 

“I understood fatness and blackness at the same time.”

These two things that were so central to her appearance were simultaneously at the centre of much controversy and socio political discourse. She noted that she wasn’t originally set out to be a body positivity icon, or an influencer of any kind. But her push to make all of this was when Plies made a music video that included not a single thick woman.

After claiming in a video that he loved big women and was so supremely attracted to them, in his latest music video at the time Plies failed to include even one of these women. She did what she could, she started a fight in the comments. And hundreds of women just like her rallied against the video. He listened. Plies put out a request calling on all the women who were angry to send him a video dancing to his song by the end of the day. And Danni did, for a long time she was the only one but just when she thought to take it down; there she was featured on Plies’ instagram. Soon after other women joined her, posting their own videos, dancing and being carefree and happy. It goes to show:

“You don’t need a following, you just need a voice.”

And for so long, there was no one who wanted to hear the voices of influencers and women like amapoundcake. Fat black women were at the centre of black humiliation and degradation for centuries. The mammy stereotype kept all black people down, sure, but since then we have failed to distance ourselves from an image of fat black women that isn’t centered on being caring and nurturing. Both on television and in real life big black girls are nothing more than side characters; a shoulder to cry on, a place to dump your feelings and move on, a two dimensional figure in the background of someone else’s life. We don’t get love interests or sex scenes. We don’t get to be in the skin care commercial or the music video. Amidst all of this underrepresentation, it is nearly impossible to come to terms with yourself. 

It was in the middle of discerning all of this that Danni knew that she had to just get up and do it. Make representation where there was none. So she started taking her platform more seriously, speaking out about the intersections of race, class and fatness. She forced herself into the narrative when so many forces sought to erase her. Some black people don’t like her because she is fat, some white people don’t like her because she is black, capitalism hates her because she can own these two things unapologetically.

On her instagram page you will find that Danni is fiercely anti capitalist, anti racist and overall anti hate. She positions herself as a representative of the marginalised and she walks the talk too. She consistently speaks up on what it means to live in a world that refuses to accept you as you are. Moreover, she is creating a space where conventional, skinny, white and palatable feminism is not upheld. 

She talks about everything, from hard hitting critiques of capitalism and the state of modern activism to desirability and sex. I got the chance to pick her brain about it all. Especially right now in this time where  the coronavirus pandemic has us all stuck to our screens, all eyes are on this revolution. 

It has been a time of recognition and amplification for many spaces. One thing that many have been realising is how inextricably linked fatphobia is to race and anti blackness. As Danni put it:

“Fatphobia is a direct attack on black women.”

In turn, by virtue of living in a capitalist system, we have turned hate into an individual issue, and then we market it and make it lucrative for forces at play behind it all.  Danni cited just some of the many subtle ways our society seeks to punish and belittle fat people. “The doctor tells you need to lose weight, they sell you the pills, they make you pay for the consultation but they ignore your real problem - your flu, your broken foot. Airlines make it more expensive to fly, it is impossible to find comfortable seats in public spaces. Life insurance policies are next to impossible to find, and when you can find them they are expensive.” The unspoken tax on fatness. All this to punish the individual, but we never attempt to condemn major organizations for their role in manufacturing the obesity epidemic. 

To make it that much worse, all the strong black women that have taken the time to create out their own spaces and their own representation have been muted within their own community. Many white women are realizing that where they originally came to share they have stolen and co-opted. Danni pinpointed the use of the term “Phenomenal woman” a phrase originally thought of by a black woman [Maya Angelou] for other black women, in a time where it wasn’t okay or trendy for us to love our bodies. There is the unnerving sensation that much like other parts of black culture, our activism is also slipping away from us too. 

So, what does all of this mean, what does it all look like in the middle of a global pandemic? Well, in short, everyone needs the love and confidence that radiates off of the women in these spaces. Danni, outside of instagram, works as a body image coach and in these difficult times has seen her customer base expand. In the midst of all of this distress many people are gaining weight and losing it, moreover, they are losing their confidence. While we have to remain fiercely in support of the marginalised, insecurity is a universal experience. 

People are sad, routines have changed, lives have been uprooted so how do we navigate all of that? I think Danni put it best, saying: 

“We can be in this world alone or with others, with a support system even if it’s virtual.”

It's all about building a system of like minded people that help you achieve your next goal whether it's that next big step in your career, or starting a new relationship. It’s supremely important to feel supported in these endeavours. Many of us didn’t get a childhood that supported us in the way we so deeply desired, but we deserve to create an adulthood that does. That is what activism, body positivity and life really is about - taking that next step, fighting against the system and loving yourself with the people who love you. 

Something we can all stand to learn from Danni, her following, and the myriad of black women just like her is that in these strange times we need to recenter ourselves. Question your values and your position on the issues that matter, readjust where necessary. Reaffirm your activism, reaffirm your goals, reaffirm yourself. 

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Hayley is an emerging writer and journalist who works hard to create work that is fiercely feminist, anti racist and anti oppression on a whole. You can check out more of her work and content on her instagram @hayley.headley

Life-Drawing Nude Women Pieces with Shannon Elizabeth Gardner

Thank you once again for agreeing to this interview! We are very excited to see your work in our magazine. To begin, how did you get your start as an artist, and what do you think drives you in your present work?

When life started is when I became an artist. I have always been this way; creative, passionate and honest. From an early age I enjoyed drawing and had a curiosity in the macabre, and my interest in horror continues to intrigue and inspire the work I create. Every piece has a motivation to reach the extreme and address the taboo. 

What is your creative process like?

When I create work, my process is to draw several pieces in ink, then paint and color them with the same watercolor palette. By doing this, multiple pieces share the same color scheme and creates a cohesive body of work regardless of subject matter. I enjoy using India Ink to convey a burnt, grunge-like appearance to my work and I often blacken the edges to give the piece a worn, tattered look. I also enjoy working from a dirty palette and reusing dried up wells of color from past works. 

Does the present political/social culture today inform your work, and if so, how?

This situation has presented me with a lot more time to work on new ideas. My technique or amount spent on a piece has not altered much. I have found time to complete pieces like unfinished collages as I find that collage work takes such a long time to arrange that I often abandon them. After abandoning the project I usually realize that the piece is finished and doesn't need any alteration or addition.

What transformative experiences have you had that have shaped your creative output?

I have always been interested in horror and the macabre. The realization that my work is strongest when my focus is regarding morbidity came while studying at the University of Wisconsin Stevens Point. After a few projects in my junior year of college (2014) I developed a distaste for my work, something I never experience. I began working with acrylics and oils, creating portraits and landscapes. I never fell in love with the two mediums and struggled for a bit to create meaningful work. Soon after I dabbled back into something I had always enjoyed, watercolor and ink. Immediately I created a skull that then set the tone for my future work.

Who are your biggest influences?

Tim Burton is my biggest influence.  He is the epitome of German Expressionism in the modern era. I grew up admiring his artwork and enjoying his unique way of storytelling. The illustrative quality of his work inspires my work to be alluring, haunting and grotesque. He creates such strong feelings within so few lines, a true illusion of beauty. 

I also study the art history, the occult, sacred places, cryptozoology, criminology, mythology, fairy-tales and folklore.

A lot of your work is both erotic and haunting. Tell us about the relationship between the two in your work.

All art is arousing at default. I often associate enjoyment of artwork to the Earthly pleasure of lust. I believe there is always a sensual concept when creating nudes and life drawings. I find when drawing the female body there’s a fantasy of falling in love with your creation. Every nude holds an emotional bond with the artist. 

Using black India Ink as the darkest tone allows my work to have a cohesive quality and crisp haunting aesthetic. I usually do not feel a piece is complete without it!  These collections of life drawings are some of my most favored pieces as they represent the beauty in minimalism as well as exploring the admiration of nature and flaws. The use of India Ink and watercolor assists the viewer to observe the Asian aesthetic Wabi Sabi; appreciation of imperfections. 

How has art transformed your relationship with feminism/to yourself as a woman?

My artwork has provided me with a platform to inspire and lead others. I feel comfortable in this field since the arts have always favored quirks and originality. With support of my audience and peers I feel free to embrace my weirdness and liberate freedoms. The arts have encouraged me to never be enslaved to injustice. 

How do you see art, and in particular feminine or erotic art, changing the world?

I do not believe erotic art will change the world since the world has habitually focused about sex. Some beliefs and morals may suppress the urge and iconography of the human body but erotica and the naked human figure will always be the most sought after. 

Do you have any advice for other female artists?

My advice would be to stay confident and passionate about your unique quirks. If you don't know what makes you different, do some soul searching, there must be something that makes you irresistible and distinctive. The unordinary is delicious. Once you master your own ‘muchness’ it will reflect in your work and you'll enjoy everything you create. If you don't, give it a day and you'll probably love it in the mourning. 

Anything else you would like to talk about?

I just returned home from a month-long residency in Lapua, Finland. While there I focused on my work and created over 30 pieces; including drawings, paintings and small sculptures. The deep forests and dark landscape of the Scandinavian Winter further inspired the ethereal mood of exploring the aesthetic within imperfections and the unearthed beauty of ink work and watercolor. I am finding strength in these techniques that imitate the look of nature, implying crisp texture and impression of depth. I believe it is the best way to convey the look and feel of the natural world.

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Shannon Elizabeth Gardner is a graduate from the University of Wisconsin - Stevens Point with a Bachelors in Studio Art and a Minor in Art History. Shannon's interest in the macabre began while studying nature and the paranormal. The ethereal mood of her work reaches the extreme and addresses the taboo. Through her process she explores natural and organic techniques used to imitate nature and discover Earth's imperfect beauty. Stippling and cross hatching imitate the aesthetic of change through time. Her use of watercolor, line and dot work assists the viewer to observe the Asian aesthetic Wabi Sabi; appreciation of imperfections. 

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Interview with Artist Lauren Hana Chai

“If I could put these emotions into words I would be able to tell you better about what they would be, but I can’t, therefore I paint. ”

First of all, thank you so much for your time and for agreeing to do this interview! We really really love your work, the strength of it and the sexuality, but more than that, there’s an incredibly emotional sensitivity that really resonates in each piece. Can you tell us about what your intentions are for your work, and what would you like your viewers to take away from it?

Emotionality is always at the core of my work, whether it is titillating, awe-inspiring, disgust, or more often than not, a conflicting emotional soup of it all. As long as the viewer feels strongly one way or another about my work, I feel like I’ve done my job. 

You talk a lot about spirituality and your spiritual experiences. How have they changed your life/outlook and how do they influence the mythological aspects of your work?

As much as I like to talk about spirituality, I don’t necessarily like calling myself a spiritual person as some people’s image of me could be that of an incense burning, green eating, yoga hippie who greets everyone with namaste. Nothing against yoga hippies! But that’s just not me. Spirituality is in my life because I am not put together at all. I am by nature, a ball of chaos. I didn’t take a lot of personal responsibility when I was younger and as I’m approaching 30, it’s about time that I tried to figure that shit out. Being humble, grateful, having respect for living and non-living beings, surrendering myself to faith and love, letting go of attachments, moving forward from my past, bringing in the light to my shadow side. It’s easier to call these ‘spiritual’ practices versus one practice such as christianity, hinduism or shamanism, but really I think bringing structure into one’s life is universal and goes beyond subscribing to a dogma. 

The symbols I paint frequently, such as the Korean peach and sacred fungus, are tied to symbols of longevity in Korean classical folk paintings. Back then, these paintings were limited to high-class wealthy merchants to enjoy. I paint these symbols today for everyone to enjoy, and I truly feel that I am giving my blessings to the person I am painting as I usually paint people who are close to me. More than just an image, it is an energy. 

Do you see any connections between some of your more personal pieces about your own life journey and the larger statements your work has made about sexuality and politics?

Absolutely, it is all connected. Having been raised by my traditional Korean grandparents in the United States, (a polar-opposite culture), I spent a lot of time questioning my identity, heritage, and history, and painting has been my therapy throughout it all. Sexuality was shamed growing up and so as I was exploring it in my personal life, as an art student it exploded in my work as well. I wasn’t ashamed anymore, I was free. Especially because I was living in San Francisco at that time, which is kink central, I felt at home with my fellow freaks. Later my work developed from painting things such as a close-up of my friend’s spread wet pussy to more layered concepts which still involved sexuality one way or another. For example ‘American Pie’ is a depiction of the racial makeup of the U.S. which involves everyone either fucking or fighting. Each person in this painting is rendered out to show their individuality. This piece accompanies another painting ‘Korean Pie’ (unfinished) which in contrast highlights South Korea’s unity and nationalism. As a Korean American, I live in this grey area and see the pros and cons of my different cultures and beliefs. 

What do you see as the largest struggles of your work as an artist?

Keeping a lid on my ADD and wanting to constantly transition in my artwork. Speaking completely in terms of the art business world, constantly changing your work is not good. I used to have a lot of struggles with some galleries as a student and right after graduating. Now I’ve learned to keep that lid loose and I have found a way to work in a series of works, spread concepts out and transition slowly. 

What do you believe is the role of an artist in society, especially one who works in the margins and is a member of the LGBTQ community?

Painting your personal truth, no matter what it is. I honestly don’t really think about what my role is as an LGBTQ artist in this society but rather just focus on developing and constantly bettering myself as a person and an artist. It’s only when I hear from other people, usually Asian American women or LGBTQ people who take the time to tell me how much they relate to me through my work, that I think “Oh hey, I did something here”. For someone to never have met me, look at my painting and tell me that they get it, that that’s their life too, it’s really an amazing feeling. 

“My innocent intentions became a catalyst for people to project their own perceptions of sexuality. ”

How has your art influenced your perception of sex, and vice versa?

As I mentioned earlier, a sexual explosion happened in my life and thus in my art and during that time I painted these subjects purely out of freedom of expression, embracing myself and not caring what anyone thought. After a while I questioned a lot of what kind of message I am putting out there painting such explicit paintings as a woman. Many people thought that my paintings were done by a man and were always surprised to see that I was a woman. I’ve butted heads with some of the more conservative feminists who claimed I was objectifying women. My innocent intentions became a catalyst for people to project their own perceptions of sexuality. For a while I was in fuck it mode but then I even doubted myself thinking that people will only like my art because the paintings are sexual and I was known as that erotic painter. I switched gears and was simultaneously exploring my identity a lot at that time as I was finally dealing with abandonment issues from my mom going missing when I was 11. I painted my Last Known Locations series which were 6 paintings of 6 cities of my mom’s actual last known locations..and I think it should go without saying that they weren’t sexy at ALL. After this dark turn, light entered my life and I started painting about my Korean culture and history in bright explosive colors. However, I found that I couldn’t get away from the eroticsm. Sexuality creeped back into these paintings as well but now in the form of painting about the Korean comfort women who were sexual slaves getting raped, or even painting about my own sexual abuse. Or in more subtle ways with a sexy exposed muscular back of a strong Japanese woman with the words “Otoko Masari” (basically meaning tomboy in Japanese) written above her. Or my paintings now of sexually suggestive poses of women eating these sacred fungus. There are many sides to my sexuality. I’ve embraced eroticism in a different way now and I don’t regret anything.

You talk a lot about how your work is about emotion… what emotions do you think your art conveys, both to you and to viewers?

It’s a spectrum of emotions, really. Some paintings convey empowerment, some defeat. Sometimes excitement or anxiety. Usually there’s some kind of struggle going in such as in my recent series “The Little Death” where there is a play between sex and death, the desire to live forever but also the inevitable return of our bodies to nature. If I could put these emotions into words I would be able to tell you better about what they would be, but I can’t, therefore I paint. 

You’ve mentioned your experiences with DMT as well. How much have those experiences informed your art, and how?

My trip reminded me that love can solve everything. It’s a grandiose statement and ultimately not true, but also kind of true. Love is not just a significant other, it's a belief in morals, ethics, respect for your fellow human. It’s building a life and striving towards living a life of love that helps move this world forward. Love creates. I wanted to portray that message onto canvas and so I started a triptych called Souls In Motion which is not the exact depiction of what I saw and experienced, but more of a positive message inspired by my trip. In short, it is a Korean mythological folk version of Hieronymus Bosch’s “Garden of Earthly Delights” which rather than painting about hell, depicts how we can heal from fear.

What are the biggest sacrifices that you’ve made for your art?

Without a doubt money and financial stability. I’m not so much of a starving artist now but I’m definitely still broke. I can’t go on fancy trips or buy a lot of new clothing but I’m very good at window shopping! It’s money in, money out. Any art sales go straight back into buying supplies or paying bills etc. I’ve had to adapt to a minimal lifestyle and it might sound bad but I honestly enjoy it, less things equals less clutter and less stress in my life. Whatever it takes to be able to paint what I want everyday and I’m a happy woman.

“Remember that you are not separate from your art, art is an extension of you.”

What is something you’d like other women who enjoy/do art to know?

If you’re pursuing art as a career, the smart thing to do is get a part time job. Have some stable income coming in to supplement your art. Remember that you are not separate from your art, art is an extension of you. Also writing things down helps, keep a notebook to organize your reflections and thoughts on your art. Ultimately do what makes you happy!

PS. Please feel free to talk about anything you’d like to, along with this, or if you want to drop anything about future projects!

I have a mini solo show coming up in LA at Thinkspace Gallery on June 27th called “The Little Death”. Other than that you can stay up to date on all my art on Instagram as I post there pretty frequently. 

Follow Lauren Hana Chai on Instagram here, and find her incredible work for purchase at her website here.