Learning to Rethink Your Value

Everyone is scrambling to find meaning in the midst of this pandemic, throwing themselves into new hobbies, discovering making sourdough, etc. While these are all wonderful experiences, I think in these times of economic degradation we need to find value in new things. Unemployment all over the world is skyrocketing and that is placing radically new strains on families everywhere. Now, more than ever our understanding of our value and time is rooted in economic gain and output.

One thing I have been trying to learn especially getting back into school is to redefine my value. We live under a capitalist system and the few times we get to subvert the system are small but invaluable forms of resistance. Being still, loving yourself,  - these are all unspoken forms of activism. 

Capitalism demands that we spend every second of every day creating, producing, and working. But the world is constantly changing, we can’t always be working - especially now. For months we were all stuck at home, and instead of finding peace within ourselves, we sought out work. The one question that should be on our minds is do we truly enjoy work or do we think it’s the one thing that gives us value? Especially as lockdown restrictions are slowly being lifted (for better or worse), and many of us are getting the chance to get back to our old lives. 

How are you valuing yourself, your time, and your mental space?

Let’s talk about you first. Beyond thinking your the hottest thing to walk the earth since its formation, do you appreciate your body? Even the parts you don’t love? Be honest - think about it. 

Here is the thing, regardless of how much you love your body or how you see it, it is valuable. Even when you are just being still, your body is still working so that you get to live. That is a function you can’t deny. It keeps you breathing, makes sure oxygen gets where it needs it to go, and it does all of that without asking anything extra of you. 

Whether or not you love every bit of yourself, appreciating it, feeling happy with it is activism. Body positivity has been co-opted by influencer culture but it was built on a platform of accessibility and disruption. If you have a body that you actively appreciate then, you are already disrupting a system that preys on your self-hatred. 

You don’t need to post about it or even be loud about it. The key to it is to truly appreciate all that your body does and to help it function. Eat healthily (but we will settle for just eating), drink water, and be satisfied. 

As you go back into “normal” life, redefine what body positivity is for you. 

Now, we come to the question of time. The saying “time is money” is probably as old as capitalism itself, but we are failing to get to the heart of that. Yes, time spent relaxing could be time spent working, but the sole reason for living is not working. 

It doesn’t matter if it is a job you love, work is hard, and it will wear you out. Take time for you and only you. Not for your friends, not for your family, take some time away from any social obligation and just vibe. 

Stop demanding production out of relaxation. You don’t need to do a face mask or have a wash day to be caring for yourself. Be still. 

Take that time you spend being still to repair your mental space. Personally, trying to find a balance between work and school is exhausting. Not just physically, but mentally. 

Something I have been trying to learn; is to not turn every other thought into a new article or research paper topic. It got so bad that it felt as though all my thoughts had to be productive or useful. But when you start to think like that, your other thoughts lose their intrinsic value. 

We have to divorce ourselves from this system that consistently asks us to produce more and more content. 

This is all about protecting yourself, your time, and your mental space. 

Art by Keelin Montzingo

How do we put that into practice? 

You have to be willing to challenge yourself. Here are some things that have been working for me over the past week:

1. Do nothing!

This week I challenge you to do nothing productive for a whole day. The real challenge is not thinking about being productive. When I say do nothing, I mean truly free yourself from any sense of obligation. Don’t think about work, don’t do work, don’t even look at anything to do with work.

Close your tabs, don’t open moodle (or any other site related to school/work), try to truly forget that you live a life filled with tasks and duties. 

2. Feel great about yourself!

Look in the mirror, take any time you might have spent critiquing yourself, and be positive. Sometimes, I find myself thinking these subtly negative thoughts. My inner voice says:

”Oh, that part of me is great, kind of makes up for this other thing I hate”. 

“Hmmm, that part of me looks worse today than it did before” or, 

“Ehh, at least I look cute in photos so it doesn’t matter if I don’t look as good in real life”

That kind of thinking is harmful. 

If you think like this you have a new challenge this week. Now, when you find yourself looking into the mirror, smile, and think of something you are grateful for and happy about. Hype yourself up! 

3. Know your own worth. 

I mean this in every way but especially, know the value of your time. Don’t waste it on people you don’t enjoy being around or people who don’t respect you. 

Trust, it isn’t worth it. 

When you start understanding your value and respecting yourself, you will know when others don’t. Once you recognize that they don’t respect you in any meaningful way, you can stop taking sh*t from people.

This week, only make time for things (and people) you value and people who value you.  

Take these small things into account as you go through the next week. Use them to redefine how you value yourself, your work, and your time. 

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Hayley is an emerging writer and journalist who works hard to create work that is fiercely feminist, anti racist and anti oppression on a whole. You can check out more of her work and content on her instagram @hayley.headley

Keelin Montzingo studied Communications at the University of Massachusetts and Modern and Contemporary Art at Christies. In 2017 she returned to painting propelled by her insight in art history and commercial markets which gave a contradictory and fascinating perspective of her subject matter. Recent exhibitions include ‘Creatures’ at Olsen Gruin, 2019 and ‘Shifting Skins’ at Leonard Tourne, 2018. Her upcoming solo exhibition ‘Cosmic Latte Nostalgia’ will open in London in 2021.

Raffela Mancuso on the Body Revolution & Passing the Mic

“When it comes to intersectionality, it is also important to remember that body positivity is for marginalized groups. ”

Thank you so much for taking the time to sit down and talk. First, let’s talk about you! 

I am a 24-year-old Psychology student in Alberta. I am a mental health advocate, although I’ve also been called a social media disruptor, and I used to consider myself a body positivity advocate but I don’t associate with that title anymore. I was only diagnosed five years ago [in regards to mental health] even though I have lived with it my entire life, and I decided to start using social media for advocacy two years ago after being turned away from mental health services on campus. I started speaking about mental health on social media, which turned into body image, because everything is so connected.

What are you proud of in your contributions to this movement so far, and how did you decide to make them? 

I would say sharing my own lived experience because talking about mental health is so heavily stigmatized. I am not the only one thinking these things but everyone is so afraid to speak up because of the backlash we will receive. It keeps me going when people message me and tell me they’ve felt the same way or experienced the same things, but never had the courage to say them until now. I don’t want to center myself within the body positivity movement because of the privileges that I do experience. 

I wanted my contribution to be about changing the way we think. Being part of a community feels good and everyone wants the sense of belonging, so I completely understand why people may get upset when I talk about redirecting body positivity back to its original origins…but what people are missing is that you can still love yourself while simultaneously acknowledging this term [body positivity] that we have stolen. We don’t need to steal another thing – we can use another term! A lot of people feel hurt that they can’t ‘join the club’…but you can still go through your own acceptance process and acknowledge what other people are experiencing. Your own self-acceptance journey should not erase more marginalized people in the process. 

Let’s talk more about the body positivity movement and why it is important to acknowledge its origins.

Many people think that being a body positivity advocate is synonymous with self-love or with plus size people in general. It’s important to realize that the body positivity movement was created for more marginalized bodies – especially fat people of color, Black women, queer people, trans people, and people with disabilities. Today the movement is all about self-love and being positive about your body, but originally it was intentioned for equal rights and marginalization. It’s critical to de-center the self when it comes to the body positivity movement and picking another term to incorporate your personal self-love and body acceptance journey. It definitely doesn’t mean you can’t be a part of the movement either – it’s not an ‘or’ situation, it’s an ‘and’ situation! You may face certain challenges and still benefit from other privileges in society that other people do not receive due to their bodies. 

You recently sparked a viral conversation on Instagram by identifying influencers and ‘body positivity’ leaders who are white and thin (or thin-passing) for taking up a lot of space in the body positivity movement. In your words, it was a call in, not a call out, and created powerful conversation with some of the subjects of the call-ins, such as Sarah Nicole Landry (@thebirdspapaya). However, not all high-profile individuals responded. What do we do when this happens? How do we continue supporting these women when it feels like they are ignoring this topic?

I feel like a lot of people feel powerless in this. Something we do not realize is how much power we have in who we follow. By following someone, you are amplifying their voice even more. My biggest thing is if you’re looking at an account and it doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, your morals, your values…unfollow. If you follow someone and you really like their content but maybe they haven’t spoken out on important issues…don’t be complicit. You’re still giving that person power. Vote with your support. These are people’s lifestyles…you’re just encouraging their behavior in that way.

Jameela Jamil is one of the specific high-profile individuals who has yet to respond. What conversation would you like to see from her? 

Honestly, I just wanted to work with her! I wanted a conversation with her to help amplify my own voice because I felt like I wasn’t being heard. We’re in a small corner of the Internet and she has the reach. Let’s get this out into society and make this a conversation that everyone is having. She has said herself that she doesn’t belong to body positivity and body liberation. Maybe we can still get her…

Passing the mic to amplify the voices of women who are not being heard as strongly, especially Black women and women who experience higher levels of discrimination, is an important initiative in this movement. How can people accomplish this?

There is a difference when it comes to people that have a massive platform, but people who don’t still play a huge role. When people are asking me what they can do, and how to pass the mic, asking the question alone is a great start. I comprised a list of people I admired and shared that as a start. Find these accounts and look through to see who you connect with. Don’t just blindly follow. Then share their content and make them visible. Your ideas can be great but someone else may be seeing them and they may have the actual lived experience. 

People who are successful from having ‘digestible’ and ‘palatable’ content –and people who fit into those categories – need to speak up for the people who won’t be listened to. Give THEM the platform, have them do a story takeover, share their posts directly…de-center yourself, and make it about them. A lot of people are concerned about aesthetic because they think that’s what Instagram is all about – everyone is trying to follow the same path – and while it’s been awesome to see people sharing content, it’s important to know that it’s on the backs of Black people, especially Black women. 

There is a constant spew of hate from online trolls and uneducated people who are OK with continuing a hurtful and harmful narrative. How do you manage this? How do we respond to this while simultaneously not becoming overwhelmed by all of the disgusting negativity? 

I’ve cried. There were some massive fitness accounts who posted about me and their followers came for me…at first, I tried to rationalize and have conversations, knowing these are humans, but now I have less patience if people come in with their claws out and I just block and delete.

It really depends on my mental capacity. I had someone who was really upset about my post who struggled with ED. I sent them a voice memo and acknowledged their experience and explained my point further…and that person listened. They came at me with so much hurt, and upon hearing that I recognized them, we started talking and realized that we had the same values…it created something really beautiful.

When it comes to this kind of content, it’s important to ask, “What is your mental capacity at?” If I’m drained, it is so harmful. It really needs to be a matter of what you’re capable of engaging with.

Some people may have a hard time balancing advocacy for the body positivity movement while simultaneously wanting to change their bodies, such as wanting to lose weight or undergoing cosmetic procedures. How should they approach this dichotomy?

That’s in the gray area. I’ve had people say that they would never judge someone in a bigger body but yet recognize their own fatphobia. I still have a lot of days where I feel negativity towards my body but then other days where I don’t. We can start by acknowledging that we’re not perfect and continue learning – especially the more we listen to other’s experiences. This is not a me problem, it’s a societal problem. I’m not alone. If someone is in the self-love realm but still has issues with themselves, start with, “Who profits off of these thoughts and feelings?” If you want weight loss, who profits? Diet culture companies, gyms…there is so much profit off of physical insecurities. 

What do you think is the most important thing for individuals to understand when it comes to intersectionality and its importance within body positivity?

I think people need to learn to sit in their discomfort a little bit. They’re being challenged. Things can be in the gray. You can love your body, you can struggle with your body, and at the same time another person can be harmed because of their own. Someone with thin privilege might experience body shaming and yet they can always fit in an airplane seat comfortably. Your struggles are valid but acknowledge the differences when it comes to actual systemic oppression. There are layers to discrimination and oppression. Thin, white women – ask yourself, who is not being listened to? Remind yourself that your experience is not the only one out there. This is not about shutting down or shutting people up – it’s about bringing more people to be the table. The body positivity movement is currently so filled with white people, and unless they step aside, it won’t benefit those who really need change. 

I had a highlight [on Instagram] called health journey, I thought I was trying to be ‘healthy’. People messaged me and brought it to my attention how harmful this could be, and I deleted it so it didn’t trigger someone else. I sat with the embarrassment and that period in my life and then reflected and committed to learning and moving on and doing better. Having the intention to change is so important. It’s the intention that begins change. 

When it comes to intersectionality, it is also important to remember that body positivity is for marginalized groups. For everyone else, there’s so many other terms to use – body confidence, body acceptance, body neutrality…there’s options!

What are the main problematic assumptions surrounding fatphobia that people can actively start to address? 

I think most importantly, body size does not determine health, and health does not determine worth. A thinner body does not mean better. You are just treated better by society, but it does not mean worth.  Identify where these messages of worth tied to our bodies are coming from, and who profits off of them. Body image is engrained. People need to sit in their discomfort and that will not kill them. 

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Anna Luo is an American traveler/writer currently teaching English in Europe. Her writing portfolio can be found here. She am fairly new to freelance writing and am most passionate about writing on feminism, reproductive health care access, vulnerable feelings, and environmental responsibility. Her Instagram can be found here.

Body Positivity, Activism and Race in the Middle of a Pandemic; a Conversation with @amapoundcake

Danni, better known by her instagram handle @amapoundcake, is a force for social change in a world that seeks to undermine and snuff out any shred of confidence and activism that comes from fat black women. In this moment, she and other women like her are coming to the forefront of a movement they began. 

When I first sat down to talk with Danni, I wanted to know how she got started in the body positive activist space. Unlike many fat kids, Danni was never shamed for her body - in fact she was encouraged to love it. She saw fat black people all around her; remarking:

“  ... most of my family was either skinny and got fat or were fat when I met them.”

Growing up in a household that didn’t partake in the same causal body shaming that many of our own did, empowered by the words of Mo’nique, Danni began her first social movement - ‘Eat or Die’. She and some other big girls from her middle school took it upon themselves to walk around in matching t-shirts and talk about what it means to be fat.

All this positivity in her upbringing didn’t shelter her from the ‘real’ world, the one that wished her white and skinny. She was barred from many activities because she couldn’t fit the mold others made for her. But she stood out all the same, when the dance team rejected her she found herself on the step team. For her, a lot of life was about carving out a space for herself with people who could truly appreciate her. In highschool that meant joining the step team, nowadays it looks like building a network of support around herself.

In her undergrad experience she was heavily involved in black activism. She posted about being fat on many platforms, but it wasn’t at the centre of her work. This was around the time she began to notice that fat black women just weren’t a part of the narrative of black and intersectional feminism. 

Today, the world is radically different from the one we were all born into. Activism has changed, branding has changed, politics have changed - but this new wave of social justice has left behind thousands of women who look just like Danni. We see more and more black women occupying spaces they never had access to before, but the posterwomen for anti blackness still sit on the outskirts. 

This is something Danni understood at a young age, saying: 

“I understood fatness and blackness at the same time.”

These two things that were so central to her appearance were simultaneously at the centre of much controversy and socio political discourse. She noted that she wasn’t originally set out to be a body positivity icon, or an influencer of any kind. But her push to make all of this was when Plies made a music video that included not a single thick woman.

After claiming in a video that he loved big women and was so supremely attracted to them, in his latest music video at the time Plies failed to include even one of these women. She did what she could, she started a fight in the comments. And hundreds of women just like her rallied against the video. He listened. Plies put out a request calling on all the women who were angry to send him a video dancing to his song by the end of the day. And Danni did, for a long time she was the only one but just when she thought to take it down; there she was featured on Plies’ instagram. Soon after other women joined her, posting their own videos, dancing and being carefree and happy. It goes to show:

“You don’t need a following, you just need a voice.”

And for so long, there was no one who wanted to hear the voices of influencers and women like amapoundcake. Fat black women were at the centre of black humiliation and degradation for centuries. The mammy stereotype kept all black people down, sure, but since then we have failed to distance ourselves from an image of fat black women that isn’t centered on being caring and nurturing. Both on television and in real life big black girls are nothing more than side characters; a shoulder to cry on, a place to dump your feelings and move on, a two dimensional figure in the background of someone else’s life. We don’t get love interests or sex scenes. We don’t get to be in the skin care commercial or the music video. Amidst all of this underrepresentation, it is nearly impossible to come to terms with yourself. 

It was in the middle of discerning all of this that Danni knew that she had to just get up and do it. Make representation where there was none. So she started taking her platform more seriously, speaking out about the intersections of race, class and fatness. She forced herself into the narrative when so many forces sought to erase her. Some black people don’t like her because she is fat, some white people don’t like her because she is black, capitalism hates her because she can own these two things unapologetically.

On her instagram page you will find that Danni is fiercely anti capitalist, anti racist and overall anti hate. She positions herself as a representative of the marginalised and she walks the talk too. She consistently speaks up on what it means to live in a world that refuses to accept you as you are. Moreover, she is creating a space where conventional, skinny, white and palatable feminism is not upheld. 

She talks about everything, from hard hitting critiques of capitalism and the state of modern activism to desirability and sex. I got the chance to pick her brain about it all. Especially right now in this time where  the coronavirus pandemic has us all stuck to our screens, all eyes are on this revolution. 

It has been a time of recognition and amplification for many spaces. One thing that many have been realising is how inextricably linked fatphobia is to race and anti blackness. As Danni put it:

“Fatphobia is a direct attack on black women.”

In turn, by virtue of living in a capitalist system, we have turned hate into an individual issue, and then we market it and make it lucrative for forces at play behind it all.  Danni cited just some of the many subtle ways our society seeks to punish and belittle fat people. “The doctor tells you need to lose weight, they sell you the pills, they make you pay for the consultation but they ignore your real problem - your flu, your broken foot. Airlines make it more expensive to fly, it is impossible to find comfortable seats in public spaces. Life insurance policies are next to impossible to find, and when you can find them they are expensive.” The unspoken tax on fatness. All this to punish the individual, but we never attempt to condemn major organizations for their role in manufacturing the obesity epidemic. 

To make it that much worse, all the strong black women that have taken the time to create out their own spaces and their own representation have been muted within their own community. Many white women are realizing that where they originally came to share they have stolen and co-opted. Danni pinpointed the use of the term “Phenomenal woman” a phrase originally thought of by a black woman [Maya Angelou] for other black women, in a time where it wasn’t okay or trendy for us to love our bodies. There is the unnerving sensation that much like other parts of black culture, our activism is also slipping away from us too. 

So, what does all of this mean, what does it all look like in the middle of a global pandemic? Well, in short, everyone needs the love and confidence that radiates off of the women in these spaces. Danni, outside of instagram, works as a body image coach and in these difficult times has seen her customer base expand. In the midst of all of this distress many people are gaining weight and losing it, moreover, they are losing their confidence. While we have to remain fiercely in support of the marginalised, insecurity is a universal experience. 

People are sad, routines have changed, lives have been uprooted so how do we navigate all of that? I think Danni put it best, saying: 

“We can be in this world alone or with others, with a support system even if it’s virtual.”

It's all about building a system of like minded people that help you achieve your next goal whether it's that next big step in your career, or starting a new relationship. It’s supremely important to feel supported in these endeavours. Many of us didn’t get a childhood that supported us in the way we so deeply desired, but we deserve to create an adulthood that does. That is what activism, body positivity and life really is about - taking that next step, fighting against the system and loving yourself with the people who love you. 

Something we can all stand to learn from Danni, her following, and the myriad of black women just like her is that in these strange times we need to recenter ourselves. Question your values and your position on the issues that matter, readjust where necessary. Reaffirm your activism, reaffirm your goals, reaffirm yourself. 

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Hayley is an emerging writer and journalist who works hard to create work that is fiercely feminist, anti racist and anti oppression on a whole. You can check out more of her work and content on her instagram @hayley.headley