i want someone to wake up next to every morning

says a guy on tinder

i laugh so hard that i fall out of my bed

and tears fall out of my eyes

because

that was way too forward

jesus christ

and he says

oh my god i’m so sorry i didn’t mean to send that to you

and i continue to laugh

and block him immediately

a guy starts the conversation with

i want your babies

i want that dick

and i block him too

a guy starts with

i can teach you a thing or two about dating

and i say

wow that’s a way to flirt

he doesn’t respond

and two days later he says

wait so will you go out with me

a guy says

hey is that bread in your second picture?

i like bread too

we have so much in common

and proceeds to spam 

with sexual bread jokes

literally all day

at midnight he says

come over to my dorm and i’ll knead your dough

and i

continue to laugh

at all these other

lonely gay men

even though i am

a lonely gay man

myself

it’s been almost three (3)

years

since i last had a boyfriend

but i’m so tired of swiping

and talking to strangers

when i know the dates

never go anywhere

and i don’t really

talk to guys i like

anymore

and i laugh

at how these men

can be

way too forward

sometimes

i understand

the desperation

but that doesn’t mean

it’s not uncomfortable

and hilarious

to receive messages

like that

here i am

feeding my loneliness

with

strangers

that i don’t care about

sometimes i laugh

missing

something better

than this.

Mercury-Marvin Sunderland (he/him) is a transgender autistic gay man from Seattle with Borderline Personality Disorder. He currently attends the Evergreen State College and works for Headline Poetry & Press. He's been published by UC Riverside's Santa Ana River Review, UC Santa Barbara's Spectrum Literary Journal, and The New School's The Inquisitive Eater. His lifelong dream is to become the most banned author in human history. He's @Romangodmercury on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.