My Mother was not a Feminist by Heather Paladini
My mother was not a feminist
But she suffered all the same
For in all of the ways her life was poor,
A man was always to blame.
My mother spoke not of equality
But surely she noticed it didn’t exist
So then who was this woman who raised me
If she was not a feminist?
My mother was raised in poverty
In a family plagued with violence
They say children learn what they live
And she watched her own mother suffer in silence.
My mother did not speak of this until I was older
These horrible truths that were part of her history
It did not occur to me at the time that the past
Would repeat itself and become her story.
My mother spoke not against domestic violence
As I watched her use makeup to cover a bruise
Surely she did not want this life for her daughter
So then why did she tolerate the abuse?
My mother did not model healthy relationships
She always said she hated being alone
I watched her time and time again slide back into the arms
Of men I had hoped she’d outgrown.
My mother once wore a scarlet letter
That tainted both her reputation and mine
But through rumors and gossip, I learned from my mother
One action does not a person define.
My mother spoke not about mental illness
As I sometimes watched her cry in bed for days
She took Prozac, and one time, a few too many
But I was told it was just a phase.
My mother spoke out against no stigmas
After all, what would people think?
She’d just take it in stride, brush it off with a smile,
And pour herself another drink.
My mother spoke not about women and addiction
As I watched and learned how to become comfortably numb
I never properly learned about addiction
Until after my own addictions, I had overcome.
My mother spoke not about women’s rights
But as a teen, she let me make my own choice
A haunting experience we never spoke of again
I think that was the seed from which grew my voice.
My mother spoke not of equality
But surely she noticed it didn’t exist
So then who was this woman who raised me
If she was not a feminist?
My mother - a feminist - she was not
She did not raise me to stand up, to resist
But after all, I am my mother’s legacy
She bore me - I AM A FEMINIST.
Heather Paladini is a poet, writer, and artist living as a transplant in the PNW. She finds her inspiration from the natural world all around her and from her personal experiences in life. Heather is a wild woman, a mother, a student of the Earth, a dreamer, a seeker, a maker and creator, a spiritual being, a romantic optimist, an environmentalist, and a feminist.