Are Short (White) Men Okay?

We all know a short guy that just seems to be perpetually in the middle of a tirade. Usually about their obsession with the “elitism” of women or expressing this or that opinion from their self assigned role of ‘devil’s advocate’. They all seem to have this common characteristic that comes with the sense of manufactured oppression that they place upon themselves - they are just cantankerous. 

So when I ask the question ‘are short men okay’, we can already be sure that the answer is:

No! They are not okay!

After months of back and forth with many many short (usually white) men, I am officially over it. I have argued with short men over every idea under the sun; whether or not religious freedom is important, if we should say ‘eat the rich’, and why marijuana is apparently not only a gateway drug but also ‘severely dangerous’ on its own. I have literally had one of them tell me that he didn’t believe I, a black woman, had ever experienced racism! All of this had led me to the conclusion:

They are angry and it just isn’t my problem. 

I have decided for myself that I am simply no longer arguing with short men in my DMs. And if you are a woman, particularly a woman of colour, particularly a black woman I sincerely encourage you not to as well. 

Short men are preoccupied with this sense of masculinity that is rooted in patriarchal power. Power that stems from a long and ‘proud’ history of stepping on women, black, indigenous, Latinx, and LGBTQ+ communities. Much like capitalism, the patriarchy doesn’t like us! 

The grounds on which any short (usually white) man and I enter into an argument are irrevocably different and it is exhausting. Arguing with people who are willing to question your human rights for the sake of “playing devil’s advocate” is tiring, it’s debasing and it’s wholly unnecessary. 

The problem is patriarchal masculinity is unattainable because they aren’t ‘tall enough’ in any conventional way. They aren’t intimidating or foreboding, two quintessentially male characteristics. Short men don’t pose the same apparent threat that other men do, and somehow this upsets them.

Since you can’t just assume that they are capable of harming you, they assert themselves with arguments. But these arguments aren’t about things like pineapple on pizza or if chicken soup is cereal, they all have to be about my rights. It is always about assuming this or that right-wing opinion. They will assure me that they are either just thinking it through, exploring the ‘other side’ and that it should upset me. But it does.

I am tired of my body and freedom being a thought experiment. 

These men throw their weight and opinions around the shut you up. Not because they necessarily believe what they are saying and not because they care about these issues. They do it to keep the women in their lives well aware of the fact that they are no different from the other stereotypically macho men that they know. 

This phenomenon lives on social media, where they don’t have to deal with the real world emotional or sociopolitical repercussions of their actions. Where they don’t have to take these things into consideration and where no one else can see how little they care. These men don’t take these arguments seriously, and they certainly don’t take you seriously enough to not bother you with their petty feuds. 

If you are like me; here are 5 tips to help you free yourself from them and live a happy, healthy life:

1. Stop responding with arguments

When they swipe up on your story with their hot take on why eating the rich is an oppressive statement, don’t dignify them with an actual thought out response. Google is free for everyone and they can find out why their opinions are bullshit there. 

Suggested alternatives are:

No ❤️

.

Okay.

Or just leave them on read

2. Don’t let them live in your head rent-free

None of them are paying you to think about them so don’t! 

It’s easier said than done but honestly the second you stop thinking about and entertaining their ideas when they are not there you feel so much lighter. There are so many better things to let live in your head like the strawberry dress or your dinner plans. Free up space for what makes you happy. 

3. Let them argue with themselves

If you can’t quite bring yourself to give up arguing, send them in circles. Usually, their arguments are flimsy and the only things they have going for them is passion and a complete disregard for facts. When you approach the argument don’t aim to express yourself, rather aim to allow them to really read what they have just said. Then at the perfect moment hit them with the: “So you agree  (insert whatever leftist idea they just argued against)”

4. Understand that none of this is really about you. 

Dissociate yourself from these arguments as best you can. None of this was ever about you, they would argue just as much with Siri if they could. The simple fact is that you are kind of interchangeable in this equation. 

5. Just block them.

We often forget that this is an option, but you can simply block them. Ghost them every chance you get. Remember that you don’t owe people who don’t value you an explanation for why you are cutting them off. It’s okay not to be sure of why something offends you, but it is not okay to ignore it for the sake of not having a rationale. 

Finally, if you are a short man reading this and you feel hurt. I can’t really do anything other than say if the shoe fits wear it and by all means feel free to change it. No one can save you from your own fragile masculinity but you, so get on google and figure it out!

Hayley is an emerging writer and journalist who works hard to create work that is fiercely feminist, anti racist and anti oppression on a whole. You can check out more of her work and content on her instagram @hayley.headley