While the US government grapples with whether it will continue to allow TikTok to operate within the country, thousands of women are questioning their position as creators on the app. A few weeks ago, the silhouette challenge went viral on TikTok, the latest in a long line of trends that accentuate the female form and empowers women to embrace themselves and their sexuality. But like all good and sexual things women indulge in, men had to ruin it. 

The simple joys of a red filter and body confidence had to be destroyed by the greed and desire of men everywhere. The idea was simple, women would put on sexy music and dance or just catwalk in front of a camera - seems easy enough. Some women did it naked, others in revealing clothing,  the common thread was the use of the red LED light filter on TikTok. The trend was gaining traction as thousands of women joined in to show off their moves, cute outfits, and sexy curves until it all came to halt. 

On YouTube, in Reddit forums, and on other platforms hundreds of videos and how-to explanations were crowding the internet as men shared their hacks on how to remove the filter. Suddenly images and videos of the many women participating in the challenge were circulating the web for all to see. Their naked and partially-undressed bodies on display, their ability and right to consent stolen from them, and for what?

Everyone who participated in this vile invasion of privacy knows they can access millions of bodies that are consenting (at least in part) to being seen and enjoyed en masse. There are thousands of websites that offer the chance to view the women who are enjoying sex acts with their full consent, such as OnlyFans, and webcam sites. Some women even post on Tumblr and Instagram, indulging in their own enjoyment of their bodies in a way that is consensual and positive.

However, all of these women making racy TikToks didn’t volunteer for their nude bodies to be plastered all over Reddit and passed around between the various groups of men who were creepy enough to partake in this. 

It proved what many women have long since known - many men aren’t looking for sex; they are chasing the taste of non-consent. Whether it's Janet Jackson’s nip slip or these edited TikToks, the thrill of the chase, of stealing from and embarrassing women seems to be the only joy men can find in pornographic or generally X-rated content. 

Dozens of scholars have examined why men are consuming more and more violent porn, but this doesn’t cover the phenomenon we are observing today. This fascination with violence has taken men out of the passive role that simply delights in it and pulled them into the active. Instead of watching violent porn of performed non-consent, they are now pursuing betraying consent themselves. 

Sure, you can see many female movie stars naked, or half naked on screen, but the excitement and thrill lies in leaking those photos. You might be able to access hundreds of videos of rough “non-con” sexual content online, but the thrill is in knowing it was truly an assault or at least that you watching it goes against her wishes. It makes women everywhere question - what is it about the flavor of female pain, embarrassment, and shame that makes an orgasm that much nicer? 

Revenge porn, the rise of non-con erotica, iCloud leaks, and public shamings that all beg the question - why watch assault happen when you can participate? 

It speaks to a bigger issue, the desensitization to violence against women. Men everywhere have become incredibly comfortable with the horrific acts of violence that continue to be enacted upon women all over the world. Whether it is leaking nudes as revenge or femicide, every day these issues persist men (and society at large) comes to normalize it. But uniquely, when it comes to acts of sexual violence, particularly digital acts of sexual violence, men are being encouraged to indulge. 

There is a generation of young men who are coming of age in an era where sexual pleasure is tied to an air of suave non-consent that is deemed sexy. Even outside of the realm of sex, the abuse, murder, and assault of women continues to be pushed to the forefront of concerns for women’s rights. They are being trained by this era of internet culture, that makes sexuality intertwine with violence in profoundly unhealthy ways. 

This mix is cultivating a culture around consent that prides masculinity on “knowing.” But no one can ever truly know unless they ask, so why is the patriarchy generating an image of sexual perfection that predicates on seeing imperceptible emotional, physical, and mental changes. Simple, the patriarchy isn’t truly concerned with the sexual liberation, freedom, and enjoyment of women. 

When I spoke to a few men about their experiences with consent, they painted an interesting picture. Growing up in an era of readily accessible porn and media that actively reflects the kind of dubious consent that borders on the non-consensual painted a picture of sexiness that relied on simply “knowing.” Many of them echoed each other, saying in one way or another they or their partners shied away from questions of consent because it felt uncomfortable to voice these questions. Though many of them have abandoned this in favor of powering through the mild awkwardness asking, but for many years they too bought into an idea of consent that painted them as less than. 

Ultimately we can see that the obsession with non consent is rooted in a patriarchy that both assumes ownership over the feminine form, and that assumes that all men feel that same sense of ownership. Correlating consent with inexperience shames men and hurts real women. The reason these men and their partners shied away from consent was because they both subscribed to an understanding of sex and sexuality that predicated on men being either indifferent to their partners feelings, passions, or desires, or somehow omniscient. 

This is the breeding ground for the various forms of sexual violence that we see playing out. Young boys are taking one of two lessons and without the tools to know better, they are getting swept up into a culture of taking from women. Taking their private photos, taking their sexuality, taking parts of them they didn't welcome them to. This narrative feels unending, a cycle of oppression and impunity. A wheel that threatens to crush the women it runs over. 

Hayley is an emerging writer and journalist who works hard to create work that is fiercely feminist, anti racist and anti oppression on a whole. You can check out more of her work and content on her instagram @hayley.headley